The kitchen refuge

Just a quick update from the post-midnight kitchen...hot cross buns are in the oven, enjoyable indie is playing in the background and all seems good. Except there is a feeling of impending disquiet - I won't say doom, because that would be melodramatic to the point of lying.

The last few weeks before reading week were pretty eventful ones, mainly for the wrong reasons. From a crush that amounted to nothing, to technically failing the year (ok, I got to redo my essay...) to discovering that all was not as I had hoped grant-wise it seemed that life was just throwing a continuous chain of challenges in my direction. To be fair, the weeks before that had been pretty much a blur of parties, socialising and procrastination with only a vague flicker of work, so maybe you could argue it was karma - life can't always be fun. But I had hoped that once I returned from 'reading' week things would be back to normal (I love the term 'reading' week, I NEVER get any reading, course related or otherwise, done during it). Unfortunately, while the pressure has been lessened somewhat the looming exams won't allow my mind to rest. I can't see HOW I'm going to pass them all. Really. It's funny, with the exception of maths, I never worried about failing at school, yet now I'm studying subjects I should be good at it seems almost inevitable. Then there's the little matter of the three, two-thousand word min essays due before the end of term. Two of which concern Italian books I've not read, for which a translation does not exist. OH well...my fault

Yet it's not just academic issues that are preying on my mind. While I thought I had mostly moved on from that crush , my mind has somehow wandered back on to that person. It's not too bad, or overly frequent, but it's still there. I think though it's more representative of a general dissatisfaction with my lack of love life now. Perhaps I'm just having one of those periods where you look longingly/jealously at happy couples, ignoring all the less desirable things about relationships. I'm sure it will pass, it always does.

Which is also my attitude towards what has turned into my very own economic crisis, with a perfect storm of debt that needs paying, no income and a bailout in the form of a student grant still pending. On finding that I have precisely €15 in the world and with my parents unable to help out right now, I have had to put in place extreme austerity measures. Well, at least, after a final fling trip down the coast to Dalkey on Sunday to explore one of the most beautiful parts of Dublin - the sweeping views from the the mansion-studded headland across the sea to the Wicklow mountains made the Dart fare more than worth it. But now, well, I can't spend anything until the mythological grant comes through. I've had to delay my rent payment...again. And the worst thing is that even when the grant does come through, it won't be enough once I've paid off various people. Oh Greece, I know how you feel...

Night...